New way of thinking

II love you all. I woke up this morning and decided I’m just going to write. I stress so much on if I’m selling, are blogs noticing me, do readers like me as an author, is my writing perfectly edited, are my teasers good or am I spoiling the story, who can I trust, is my street team fun or boring, am I pimping enough, where do I buy swag, if I buy swag—how much and what, who do I give it to, what blogs should I contact, would they be interested, why does it make depressed when they turn me down, are my characters relatable, how much sex is too much and too little, am I capturing every emotion that I feel is evoked in me?!? etc. And yes, that is the LONGEST run on sentence ever, not at all grammatically correct, but you get what I’m saying. However, every day—EVERY DAY—those thoughts run through my mind. I have too much going on up there, I feel slightly insane, maybe even bipolar. My fictional friends scream at me, my doubts taunt me, my fears overwhelm me...and then I remember that is why I locked it all up for so many years without sharing a damn thing. But...that isn’t healthy. I need this out of me to be who I really am. So, I can’t stress the “what if’s” and the constant questions. I need to write in order to breathe. So, I am letting go of the shit I can’t control. I’m not letting those doubts and wishes control me any longer. It takes away from the time I spend writing. I will write. I will pimp the hell out of myself. I will contact blogs and I will pray readers embrace me. That is all I can do. If I dwell on the slow climb, I will quit trying to reach the top. I want to get to the top, and look back smiling at my accomplishment. Turtle pace it is. I’m okay with that. At least the words aren’t bottled up any longer, and I’m fluttering my wings wildly with excitement instead of trepidation. Inhale. Exhale. Embracing the new day and a new mind set for this journey.