Wednesday, February 19, 2014

When I hit publish...

So... I'm just going to throw this out there (not a rant, but confession of sorts). Here it is. 

When I released my debut, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I used my good friends as beta's who basically said "I love it. You're awesome." I used a proofreader instead of hiring an editor. I paid for a pre-made book cover, later changed it to what it is now, and still yet it's getting changed in a few weeks. I didn't have blog connections. I followed reviews as a reader, but to say I could PM them and say, "hey get this shit. I wrote a book. Wanna read it?" That wasn't happening. So, I was clueless. 

I didn't think anyone would really want to read my book, nor did I think it was worth much, even though my entire heart was in those pages. I listed it for .99 as a marketing tool. Now, you can read the above and see my many mistakes. Again... learning as I go.

 My husband and I were sitting down tonight, adding up the cost of truly investing in my passion. Not just saying I want to do this, but going all in and doing this. Hiring an editor, advertisement, swag, book signings, paperbacks, tours etc. What is my investment and what will be my return? 

Since releasing in October I made about $30. I didn't see a return on my investment. That sucked. When he pointed that out to me I wanted to cry. Because... see I was good enough. My book was worth more than .99 pennies. My reviews told me that. I should have done more research and made more connections before releasing. But more than that I should have been patient and believed in myself. When I wrote it all down tonight, I saw it. I sold 116 books since October, 3 refunded (fuckers) but my point is I SHOULD HAVE made way more than $30. I should have profited. I didn't because I listed wrong and because I screwed myself. DON'T DO THAT! 

I see many of you about to hit publish for the first time. Many disagree with the black hole of pennies. Just don't. You're hard work is worth more than pennies. You are worth more! If I could go back to October and get a do over. God, how I would. I would do it all over again in the correct order. I would succeed. So onto my next goal. Release book two for dollars not cents, re-release book one with edits (both in paperback and ebook) -AND- most importantly believe in myself, because I can do this shit. I WILL DO THIS. 

That's a lot of TMI for y'all. I needed to say it. That is all.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


This is unedited and subject to change. 

Not liking where this conversation is going, I go to grab her face and kiss her but she pushes me away.

“Don’t do that?” she says.

“Do what? Kiss you?” I ask.

“No, try to distract me. Your using kisses to avoid saying something.  Just tell me, Josh,” she says, in a hushed whisper as her eyes become glassy.

“No,” I reply.

“No?” she asks.

“I need to kiss you, and it’s your birthday, and I just want to kiss you, Riley. Can I kiss you?” I admit. Her eyes climb inside of me, seeing through to the deepest part of my soul. They flick to my lips and she begins to take shallow breaths. She feels this, too. The constant pullthe magnetism between usit’s impossible to ignore.

She slowly nods, but I find myself already leaning over to kiss her nose and then each of her eyes. She doesn’t stop me. She inhales a deep breath and slowly releases it. I kiss the corner of her mouth as her lips part. I kiss her bottom lip, pulling it gently between my teeth. She softly moans.

 I will never get over the way her sounds get to me. I reach my hand to cup her cheek, and she leans her face into my touch. I kiss her because I have to, because if I don’t kiss her right nowI can’t breathe. I kiss her because even though I feel lost and confused in this moment, she is thereout of nowhere, she appeared as if she were a sign sent to tell me it’s going to be okaylike an angel before me. I kiss her and she kisses me with the same passionembracing the same moment.

Her tears are falling onto my fingers and I can taste the salt in my mouth as it mixes with our kiss. I rest my head on her forehead, as we both stay silentjust breathing each other in.


“Don’t, Riley. Don’t say it. Not yet. Just let me love you, please.” I beg, because I know what she wants to say. She keeps trying to start this conversation and I’m just not ready.

I hate that she has tears on her cheeks. I hate that she knows more than I want her to. I hate that I can’t explain it and I hate that I don’t know what she is thinking. 

© Copyright 2014 by Andrea Michelle


This is just part of the song Josh wrote for Riley.