Ramblings out of the BLUE

I need a street team, I need some kick ass beta's. I need to trust more, but it's really hard when I've already been burned. I need a loyal group of minions that want to pimp me out and be my forever besties. And I need some awesome bloggers to give me a chance and get to know me, every 'no' I receive breaks my spirit just a little more. I need to spend time writing, and less time stressing about all the things I'm not seeing happen, and all the things I wish were. I see new authors doing great things, all over blogs sites (spotlights, take overs etc.) and being recommended like no one's business. IDK if it's just me, if it's personal, if it's my book, if it's my genre, if people just assume my book is going to suck... I just don't know. I wish I did. I wish I could telepathically convince people to take a chance with someone new, read my book, fall in love with it, want more of it and then pimp the hell out of it. Some might hate it... I'm not in denial. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, or if any of what I'm doing is even right. What I do know... is that my heart is sad. Because I finally find the thing that is missing in my life, and felt complete for the first time ever. Now the critic in me berates my failure and makes me feel like something is missing again. I want to make friends with people with like minds, no one better understands this path then others like me... but even that... is hard. I've never felt so alone doing something I love, and it makes me not love it as much. My characters scream and holler at me daily, they tell me to never give up and just be patient. I'm trying really hard to listen to them... in more ways than one, but this journey is full of hurdles and brick walls.