Wednesday, July 2, 2014

I want to fly

I seriously hate when I doubt myself. It's not something I can just shut off. It's a life trait that I carry, wired into my DNA or something. Thinking I'm not good enough to chase what I want. That it will hurt when I'm let down so I just settle because then it won't hurt as bad. That I should just be content instead of going after the, "MORE," that I want so badly. It's like writing songs...creating music. My true passion is that, yet I've never attempted to let it go somewhere more than my notebook. I share it now in my books and I give it to my characters, giving them what I wish I had the courage to achieve myself. Truth is, I wish more than ever that I could escape the doubt like Riley Shaw. I wish that I had embraced every moment like Joshua Parker and I hope to do that. I wish that I could emerge into forever with all my dreams coming true. In the end, it's not something I can write into a novel and have it happen like magic. I'm going to have to work for it. I'm going to need to believe in myself, see my dream, see my passion—GOAL set and grab the hell out of it. I'm not bold and I play it safe instead of taking chances. I'm wired this way, wired to not dive off of the cliff because the bottom will hurt like hell. I guess now I'm thinking what if I don't hit the bottom, though? What if I fly? One step into something that might not let me down, but could in fact, set me free. Free to be myself. Free to believe in something bigger than I ever had before. Goal set. I want it. One step closer to the edge...

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