Monday, February 16, 2015

This is my journey

<3 If I bore you with my rambling, I apologize. Well, to explain how I got where I am now isn't easy. I've always been a writer with a very vivid, artistic brain, but story telling wasn't something I ever dabbled with in the big picture of things. I wrote songs, dark poetry and short stories to cope with emotions I never could say out loud. I also took creative writing in college and was told by my professor that I was gifted and should pursue it. I didn't listen. I didn't believe in myself. Not enough. My poetry and my songs were dark and depressing. It disturbed me that these things were in me. So, I kept them to myself. Hiding years of writing in journals. But it was cathartic and I felt better in releasing those emotions even if on paper, even if in private. Life happened, though. I fell in love first with my husband and three times thereafter with each of my children. There was light in my songs and poetry. I was proud of it, but it was still just mine. Eventually, writing took a back seat to life, but in 2013 my world was flipped upside down when my husband lost his job, then I lost mine. I was confused, sad, depressed and broken. We were broken.  For the first time in years I needed the same escape I had before. I needed what I felt to be let out of me because I felt explosive and out of control. So I sat down and began writing Lost in the Dark, which is what I felt. It's not my debut, only because somewhere in that dark adventure with that novel I found two other characters that begged to tell their story and it's that story that gave me what I needed -- a reason to believe, to not look at this escape of mine as a curse, but as a gift. I was able to give my characters the poetry I wrote years before and let it help them heal the same way it did me. I gave them my songs. I let them be everything I never could be and in that adventure I found myself -- the person I hid for so long because I didn't understand her. Now I do. Now I believe and now I know that a year ago my life was topsy turvy, but somehow became exactly what it was meant to be. To ask what was I thinking a year ago when I hit publish the first time is impossible to answer. It's more what was I not thinking. I had a thousand thoughts racing at lightening speed, still do. My brain doesn't have an off button. I was afraid and nervous... still am. I was excited and eager... still am. I literally dove off the cliff with partially broken wings. I was so afraid to fail, afraid to fall, but for the first time in my life I had hope that I wouldn't fall and fail, but that my wings would be mended and I'd fly instead.  I can't pinpoint my thoughts, but I can say that now a year later with three books published and best friends writing beside me that I feel so very blessed. I love you all and this journey for helping me find myself. I love that I can finally share what bleeds out of me onto pages and not feel shame. I feel free. Thank you for being with me while I find myself again. 


  1. Thank you for opening up and for being vulnerable to the world. Hugs and love for you and for your bravery.

  2. Thank you for sharing your stories with the world. And thank you for sharing your personal one, as well. <3