Thursday, March 20, 2014

Wearing my hat with a smile

I'm sitting here thinking that it's kind of crazy the way things happen sometimes.
 I used to write for funas a hobbya way to release things I wanted to say but never did (usually poetry or songs). It started in high school when I had one of those moments where I said and did something that I knew I would regret later. You know those moments, right? The ones where you walk away, and then replay it later in your head while you scream into your pillow. The moment when the lightbulb goes off, and all of things you should of said or done flash like a neon sign. Yeah, except you didn't say it, or do it like that. That's where it began. I was the girl that never said or did anything right the first time. I was the girl that opened her mouth and got into trouble. I was a girl with a hard shell, but a sad interiorfragile yet strong. So, I wrote it down. The things I wished I said. The emotion behind why I couldn't. In my writing, I released my regret, escaped the fear of failure and spoke the truth.
It was around this time last year when some things started spiraling out of control. That same fear came. That same dark feeling that this could and might go really, really wrong. Something happened, something personal that I won't share. I don't handle lack of control well. I don't handle insecurity well. I needed that same escape again in my life. So, I wrote it down, this time it was a story. Not a real story, but a story to help me not focus on the real one I was feeling lost in. In the middle of that story, another one came. That is the one that helped me the most. That is the one that let me tap into the girl I was when it all beganback in high school.
I wrote Escape the Doubt (yes, that title is special) for me originally. I pulled out my old poetry/songs and I gave it to my characters. I let it be hers, even his. I didn't expect the story to be embraced with love the way it has been. It was only when the four and five star reviews started being posted that I had faith in my decision to hit publish. I still have to remind myself to believe enough in my wordsin myself. One review helped me more than others, the first with criticismthe one that opened my eyes to cleaning up my craft, which I have.
Now, here I amwriting my third novel (technically fourth) and paying attention to every detail (edits, formatting, flow). I realized my escape was writing it, but someone else's escape may be reading it. I want it to be the best escape it can be.
So, here's to those unexpected (scary as hell) moments that become beautiful, equally unexpected (scary as hell) moments. Sometimes life catapults us into the unknown, into something we didn't even know we wanted, or had been missing. Now, in this destinationwearing this hat as an authorI am so thankful for the past journey.

-Off to my escape now. ;) Love you all!

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